100 Funny Birthday Card Messages

Birthdays are great, but finding the right thing to say in a card can be tough.

If sincere wishes aren’t your style, why not make them laugh?

This blog post has some hilarious birthday messages to choose from, perfect for bringing a smile (and maybe a bit of embarrassment) to their special day.

Funny Birthday Card Messages

At least you’re not as old as you’ll be next year!

Happy Birthday! I’m so pleased to hear you’re over the hill instead of under it.

Don’t worry about your age, you’re still younger than your next birthday.

For your birthday, I’ve gotten you something that’s gluten-free, zero calories, and absolutely delightful. This card!

Another year, another new place that aches.

They say the best things in life are free. Good thing for me, your birthday wishes are one of those things!

Age is a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

If anyone calls you old this birthday, hit them with your cane and throw your teeth at them!

On your birthday, I thought of giving you the cutest gift in the world. But then I realized, there’s no way I could shrink myself!

Congratulations! You only look one year older than you did on your last birthday.

I’m just here for the cake.

Two tips on your birthday: 1) Forget the past, you can’t change it. 2) Forget the present, I didn’t get you one.

On your birthday, a few wise words: smile while you still have teeth.

Your birthday always reminds me how old I am, because I remember your birth like it was yesterday.

It’s your birthday, but let’s not focus on the number of years gone by. Let’s look forward to the years to come! I’m planning on having a lot of fun in the coming years with you!

Happy birthday! May your year be filled with laughter, love, and casts that are only found on your arm, not on your movies!

You know you’re getting old when you walk up the stairs and call it exercise. Happy Bday!

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

Happy birthday! Remember you’re only as old as you feel… but you’ll always be older than me.

If you count your birthday in dog years, you’re a much younger person! Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday! I’m not saying you’re old… but your birth certificate might be a historical document.

At least you’re not as old as you will be next year! Happy Birthday!

It’s ok to light the candles on your birthday cake now; I’ve already alerted the fire department.

Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.

Don’t count the years… count the wishes & all the cheers! Enjoy your birthday.

Have you ever tried to recall what life was like before you were born? Yeah, me neither. Have a blast on your birthday.

They say that age is all in your mind. The trick is keeping it from creeping down into your body.

I would have bought you a birthday present but I didn’t think you wanted me to take money out of the alcohol budget.

You’re at an age when your back goes out more than you do.

You’re so old when you look at your birth certificate, it says expired.

Wishing you a birthday that’s as relaxing and enjoyable as a tropical vacation, minus the sunscreen mishaps. Have a blast!

If you keep getting so old, I’m going to have to start shopping for a cane.

Congratulations, you’ve finally reached the wonder years… wonder where your car is parked? Wonder where you left your phone?

Hope you have an amazing birthday…it’s just a shame that no one will believe you when you tell them your age!

Middle age: When you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy!

Don’t tell your mom what we did last summer.

Birthdays are like boogers. The more you have, the harder it is to breathe!

Your birthday is the first day of another 365-day trip around the sun. Buckle up.

Now that you’re older, you can think about all the things you’d like to go back in time and tell your younger self. But don’t think too hard, I wouldn’t want you to hurt yourself.

Happy Birthday! Don’t worry about getting so old. I will have the fire extinguisher ready in case your birthday cake gets out of control. Love you!

Here’s one to laugh at: “Age is just a number,” yeah right, and jail is just a room!

Remember, you can’t be a failure if you never achieved anything in the first place! Happy Birthday.

Congrats on your birthday! You’re one step closer to dinosaurs, sabertooth tigers, and woolly mammoths. Just kidding, happy birthday!

May you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people.

Roses are red, violets are blue, birthdays suck when you’re older than two.

Wishing you a happy birthday! May you live to be so old, you scare young children unintentionally.

I wouldn’t say you’re old…you’ve just been young for longer than most of us.

Smile while you still have teeth! Happy Birthday!

Did you know that birthdays are good for your health? Studies have shown that people who have more birthdays live longer. So here’s to more birthdays!

Happy Birthday! And don’t think of it as getting older, think of it as becoming a classic.

Older? Yes. Wiser? Well, we can’t expect miracles. Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday! Just remember: you’re only as old as your most recent selfie looks.

I didn’t forget your birthday, I’m just fashionably late.

I got you the ultimate gift… It’s a calendar! Because the best present, is presence.

You’re not over the hill. You’re on top of it!

On your special day, I have a proposal for you: let’s eat cake, dance like nobody’s watching, and laugh until our sides hurt! Deal?

Forget about the past, you can’t change it. Forget about the future, you can’t predict it. Forget about the present, I didn’t get you one.

Happy Birthday! We’re so glad we can count you among the living for another year.

Birthdays are just nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake and throw a party. Enjoy your day!

Have you heard the joke about the old man? Oh… never mind, I just realized you ARE the old man. Happy birthday!

Hope you’re not afraid of heights because you keep reaching new levels of awesomeness.

I can’t believe how big you’re getting! Just keep the cake proportionate to your age.

We were going to have a fire on your cake but the fire department said it would be a fire hazard. Happy Birthday anyway!

Congrats on getting older but not wiser. Happy Birthday!

At your age, “getting lucky” means finding your car in the parking lot.

Don’t be bothered about your age. Real age is not the age on your ID. That is just your body’s age. Your spirit can always be young and vibrant. Happy birthday!

They say that the older you get, the wiser you become. Yet, we still keep doing these birthday parties every year.

Don’t feel uncomfortable about your age. We will all one day get as old as you are.

On your birthday, I wish you get stuffs like, fun, romance, love, peace, and friendship. These are things that money can’t buy and depend on how rich you are.

Congratulations! You are now old enough to be a dad but your maturity level is still like a two year old.

Another year older, none the wiser.

At least when you’re alone on your birthday, you can have the whole cake to yourself.

Birthdays are like chocolate. It’s best not to keep count of how many you’ve had.

If getting old is hard for you, remember that it’s hard for all of us! You’re not alone. Happy Birthday.

Happy Birthday! I promise I won’t tell how old you really are!

The older the fiddler, the sweeter the tune. Except in your case.

When I die, I want to die like you – quietly, peacefully in my sleep. Not screaming in terror like your passengers.

Just tell me when’s your wedding, because I am tired of celebrating your birthdays.

Don’t think of them as wrinkles. Think of them as maturity lines.

The best birthdays of all are those that haven’t arrived yet.

On your birthday, I thought we should celebrate the things we have in common. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find a card for “shopping recipients of insanely great friends.”

I wanted to give you the best birthday greeting ever…but this card was all I could afford. Happy Birthday!

Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed. So, you’ve got that going for you.

A little bird told me it was your birthday! I ate him.

It’s your birthday, so sit back, relax, and don’t do a thing. That should be really easy for you.

Birthdays are like pizza, the more you have, the less you want.

In dog years, you would be…well, dead.

Happy birthday! You’re like a bridesmaid – always there to help me through the crazy moments, and always ready to party afterward!

At least you’re not as old as you’ll be this time next year.

At your age, you have more candles on your cake than wrinkles on your face. Just kidding, have a great birthday!

Happy birthday! Here’s to another year of being a straight-A student and a full-time expert in procrastination.

You’re at that age where you’re old enough to know better, but young enough not to care.

Happy birthday! Don’t count the candles, count the memories.

Congratulations on successfully completing another year of life without killing anyone.

Age is just a number, but in your case, it’s a really high one.

The older we get, the more we realize what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas. Mainly because we can’t remember exactly what happened.

Like a fine wine, we get better with age… or rather, we feel better about our age with lots of wine!

You’re not old, you’re just retired from happy days!

Remember, it’s not that you’re older than me, you were just born before I was.

Don’t worry about your future, I know it will be bright. After all, I had to wear sunglasses just to look at your cake this year! Happy Birthday!