Key Behavioral Differences Between Covert and Overt Narcissists
Narcissism is a slippery thing to pin down, even for those of us knee-deep in it every day. One minute you’re seeing an unmistakable grandiose display, and the next you’re sitting across from someone whose self-importance is buried beneath layers of self-pity. It’s precisely this behavioral variability that makes the distinction between overt and covert narcissists so clinically useful—though, of course, not without its limitations.
At their core, both subtypes share the same psychological architecture: inflated yet fragile self-esteem, entitlement, and an impaired ability to empathize. But it’s in how these traits play out—especially in interpersonal relationships and public behavior—that the real differences emerge.
And this matters. Recognizing these patterns isn’t just academic—it affects everything from diagnosis to treatment planning to predicting relational fallout. But I’ve noticed that even seasoned clinicians sometimes rely too much on outdated binaries. So, let’s dig into what’s actually going on beneath the surface.
Why They Look So Different But Share the Same Core
If you strip narcissism down to its essentials—grandiosity, entitlement, need for admiration, and lack of empathy—you’ve got the blueprint that both overt and covert narcissists follow. But those shared traits manifest very differently because of factors like temperament, attachment style, and defensive strategies.
Overt narcissists tend to take the external road. Think of that relentlessly self-promoting colleague who dominates meetings, demands deference, and brushes off criticism with a sneer. Their grandiosity is loud. They seek admiration through direct assertion of superiority. This is your textbook grandiose narcissism, closely aligned with what we see in DSM-based conceptualizations of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).
Covert narcissists, by contrast, are masters of the internal game. Their sense of specialness is no less inflated, but it’s hidden behind a facade of humility or even victimhood. A covert narcissist might say things like, “I never get the recognition I deserve,” or constantly highlight how misunderstood they are. They’re often misread as shy, anxious, or even empathic—until the subtle entitlement starts to seep through.
So why does this split occur? One useful framework comes from psychodynamic theory, particularly the work of Ronningstam and others who point to differences in defensive strategies. Overt narcissists use aggressive defenses like devaluation and omnipotent control to ward off shame. Covert narcissists lean heavily on introjection, withdrawal, and passive-aggression—defenses aimed at managing the same core wounds without inviting open conflict.
Attachment patterns also help explain this divergence. Covert narcissists frequently present with anxious-preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment, making them hypersensitive to rejection while simultaneously craving validation. In contrast, overt narcissists often display dismissive-avoidant patterns, rejecting intimacy in favor of control and self-sufficiency.
One fascinating study by Dickinson & Pincus (2003) found that covert narcissists report significantly higher levels of shame and depressive symptoms than their overt counterparts, who tend to externalize blame. This makes sense if you consider that covert narcissism is, at its core, an internalized strategy for coping with deep-seated feelings of inadequacy.
Another clinical nuance I’ve seen is that covert narcissists often oscillate between victimhood and superiority. A client might say, “No one ever appreciates my work,” followed minutes later by, “Honestly, I’m probably more qualified than most people here.” This oscillation is exhausting for those around them—and often for the clinician, too.
Here’s where we can trip up: many therapists mistake covert narcissism for social anxiety, depression, or even complex PTSD. And while there’s sometimes overlap (given the shame and withdrawal involved), if you look closely, the underlying sense of specialness and entitlement remains intact. That’s your diagnostic anchor.
In sum, both overt and covert narcissists are trying to protect a vulnerable self-image—but they’ve chosen different costumes. The overt narcissist wears a crown; the covert narcissist hides behind a martyr’s cloak. Both seek to maintain a sense of superiority, but through dramatically different behavioral patterns.
And here’s the kicker: those patterns can shift over time. I’ve worked with clients who moved from overt to covert presentations as their social standing declined—or vice versa, when covert strategies no longer delivered the desired results. This fluidity is one reason why rigid subtype labels can sometimes obscure more than they reveal.
But when used thoughtfully, the overt/covert distinction gives us a powerful lens to understand narcissistic behavior in action—and a roadmap for more nuanced clinical work. Let’s get more granular in the next section when we look at specific observable behaviors.
Spotting the Behaviors: How Overt and Covert Narcissists Show Up in the Real World
If you’ve worked with narcissistic clients for any length of time, you know this already—you can’t rely solely on diagnostic criteria to identify how these patterns show up day-to-day. The DSM descriptions are valuable but incomplete. What matters is what we observe: what clients say and do in session, how they interact with others, and the subtle emotional cues they project.
That’s why it’s so helpful to break this down into observable behavioral markers. In this section, I’ll walk through what I’ve found to be the most consistent and telling patterns—and trust me, they aren’t always what you’d expect.
Overt Narcissists
When people think of narcissism, this is usually what they picture. Overt narcissists are relatively easy to spot—though we shouldn’t underestimate the range of their presentations, from brash CEO types to socially charming influencers. Here are the key behaviors you’ll typically see:
Grandiose self-presentation
Overt narcissists broadcast their specialness to anyone who will listen. They’ll casually drop stories about their achievements, connections, or superior tastes—often with an air of “just sharing” rather than obvious bragging. “I was having dinner with the mayor the other night…” is one you’ve probably heard.
Exaggerated sense of importance
This isn’t just talk. They believe they’re more important than others and expect their time, opinions, and preferences to be prioritized. In therapy, this often shows up as impatience with standard processes or a subtle expectation that you’ll “make an exception” for them.
Open displays of entitlement
Overt narcissists expect special treatment, whether from partners, coworkers, or even strangers. They’ll cut in line, demand premium service, or react with outrage when denied what they feel is their due.
Dominance-oriented interpersonal style
These individuals seek to position themselves at the top of social hierarchies. In groups, they often dominate conversations, dismiss others’ contributions, and steer attention back to themselves.
High need for admiration and visibility
External validation fuels their self-image. They crave applause, whether it’s public praise or social media likes. The absence of attention often triggers visible frustration or withdrawal.
Intolerance of criticism—outward aggression possible
When faced with criticism, overt narcissists typically respond with defensiveness, anger, or outright attack. They’ll blame others, discredit the source, or escalate conflict rather than absorb the feedback.
Charismatic or forceful in social contexts
Many overt narcissists possess significant charm—at least initially. They can be funny, captivating, and socially skilled, particularly when trying to win new admirers or allies. But the charm often wears thin once relationships deepen.
Covert Narcissists
This is where things get trickier. Covert narcissists often fly under the radar because their behaviors are more subtle and socially acceptable on the surface. But the narcissistic core is still there—just buried under layers of defensive posturing. Look for these patterns:
Subtle self-importance masked by humility
Covert narcissists often present as modest, even self-deprecating. But if you listen closely, you’ll hear how their statements actually convey specialness. “I always give so much, but people take me for granted.” The message? I’m better than these ungrateful people.
Chronic feelings of neglect or victimization
Victimhood is a central theme. They often feel unfairly treated by friends, family, colleagues, or society at large. In therapy, this can create a cycle of resentment that’s hard to shift.
Passive-aggressive behavior
Rather than confront issues directly, covert narcissists express anger through indirect means—sarcasm, backhanded compliments, subtle sabotage. They’re experts at creating interpersonal confusion.
Envy expressed through subtle undermining
Covert narcissists frequently envy those who achieve visible success or popularity. Rather than admit this envy, they’ll downplay others’ accomplishments or spread doubts about their worthiness.
Hypersensitivity to perceived slights
They scan their environment for signs of disrespect or exclusion and react strongly to minor offenses. In therapy, a slight scheduling change can be interpreted as a deep personal rejection.
Interpersonal withdrawal punctuated by resentment
While overt narcissists seek the spotlight, covert narcissists often withdraw—then simmer with resentment about not being recognized or included. They may vacillate between isolation and sudden, needy bids for attention.
“Special” self-concept maintained internally but concealed socially
Though they don’t proclaim their superiority openly, covert narcissists often harbor a private narrative of being uniquely talented, morally superior, or intellectually advanced—unappreciated only because the world is too shallow to notice.
In short, covert narcissists weaponize victimhood and false modesty just as overt narcissists weaponize charm and grandiosity. Both strategies serve the same goal: protecting a fragile self-image and maintaining a sense of superiority.
What This Means for Clinical Work and Relationships
Now that we’ve covered the behaviors, let’s talk about why this matters. Understanding these patterns isn’t just an academic exercise—it’s critical for effective clinical work and managing relationships with narcissistic individuals.
The Diagnostic Challenge
First, the obvious issue: covert narcissism is easy to miss. Many covert narcissists present as depressed, anxious, or trauma-affected—sometimes because they genuinely are. But if you miss the underlying narcissistic dynamics, your treatment plan may inadvertently reinforce their maladaptive patterns.
A good example: a covert narcissist who ruminates constantly about how “no one appreciates me” may initially seem like they need validation and support. But too much therapist validation without addressing the entitlement beneath it can actually feed their narcissistic injury rather than promote growth.
The best clue is the persistent theme of entitlement and specialness. If a client’s distress consistently revolves around being insufficiently admired, respected, or included—despite external evidence to the contrary—you may be looking at covert narcissism.
Therapeutic Alliance Considerations
Working with overt narcissists, the challenge is usually managing grandiosity and resistance to vulnerability. They’ll test your authority, challenge your competence, and demand special exceptions. Maintaining firm boundaries while gently encouraging self-reflection is essential—but not easy.
With covert narcissists, the trap is different. They may idealize you initially, making it tempting to step into the role of the admiring rescuer. But over time, they often begin subtly devaluing you—interpreting your limits as betrayals and your imperfections as evidence that they’ve been wronged again. Recognizing and addressing this devaluation dynamic early is key to preserving the therapeutic relationship.
Predicting Treatment Resistance
Overt narcissists often resist treatment altogether unless external pressures (divorce, job loss, legal trouble) push them in. Once in therapy, they typically deflect blame and struggle to engage in genuine self-examination. Success often hinges on helping them connect with moments of authentic vulnerability—a narrow window that requires careful timing and trust.
Covert narcissists are more likely to seek therapy voluntarily—usually for depression, anxiety, or relational problems. But their deep identification with victimhood can create a powerful resistance to seeing their own role in these issues. Therapists need to walk a fine line: validating genuine pain without reinforcing entitlement or avoidance of accountability.
Relational Dynamics in Everyday Life
Finally, let’s talk about relationships. Both types of narcissists create relational chaos—but in different ways.
Overt narcissists generate high-conflict environments. Partners, family members, and coworkers often feel steamrolled, manipulated, or devalued. Overt narcissists’ overt entitlement and aggression frequently burn bridges and alienate others.
Covert narcissists create emotional confusion and depletion. Their loved ones often feel trapped in a web of guilt, obligation, and unspoken resentment. The constant undercurrent of victimhood makes direct confrontation difficult—and when confrontation happens, the covert narcissist often escalates the drama through withdrawal, sulking, or subtle sabotage.
I’ve seen countless relationships where partners of covert narcissists describe feeling like they’re constantly walking on eggshells—never sure what will trigger the next wave of passive-aggressive hostility or emotional withdrawal.
In both cases, awareness is power. Understanding these patterns helps clinicians, loved ones, and clients themselves navigate narcissistic dynamics with more clarity and compassion—and fewer destructive cycles.
Final Thoughts
At the end of the day, overt and covert narcissism aren’t two separate diagnoses—they’re different strategies for managing the same core vulnerabilities. Both subtypes are driven by fragile self-esteem, deep-seated shame, and a desperate need to maintain a superior self-concept.
For us as clinicians—and as human beings—recognizing these patterns isn’t about judgment. It’s about understanding. When we can see how these behaviors function as defenses, we’re better equipped to help clients move toward greater authenticity, empathy, and resilience.
And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from years of working with narcissistic individuals, it’s this: beneath the bravado or the martyrdom, there’s always a story of pain. The challenge—and the opportunity—is helping that story unfold in ways that foster real growth rather than endless cycles of entitlement and shame.
