Is He Asking For an Open Relationship, If He Tells You To Date Others?
So, you’re seeing a guy and out of nowhere he says, “I think you should date other people too.” Uhhh, what? That one sentence can feel like a plot twist in a movie you didn’t sign up for.
I’ve had friends come to me completely confused by this—and I get it. On the surface, it might sound like he’s just being super chill or open-minded. But let’s be honest: when someone you’re dating tells you to go out with other people, it doesn’t exactly scream commitment.
You start to wonder, Is he trying to push me away? Is this his way of asking for an open relationship without saying it out loud? Or does he just not care that much?
It’s a weird moment that can leave you questioning everything. So let’s unpack what might really be going on—and no, it’s not always as straightforward as it seems.
What He Might Mean When He Says That
He’s testing your reaction without being direct
Sometimes when people aren’t sure how their partner will react to something potentially “taboo” or outside the norm—like an open relationship—they throw out little hints.
Telling you to “date other people” could be his way of floating the idea without actually owning it. It’s low-risk for him. If you react negatively, he can just say, “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.” If you seem open, he might take it further.
I once dated a guy who casually asked, “Do you ever think monogamy is natural?” I laughed it off, but turns out he was warming me up to the idea of seeing other people. So yeah, sometimes it’s not random—it’s strategy.
He wants to keep things casual
This is probably one of the most common reasons. Telling you to date others might mean he’s not ready—or doesn’t want—to be exclusive. Instead of saying, “I’m not looking for anything serious,” he says “You should go on dates with other people.”
It sounds less harsh, right? But really, it’s just a gentler way of setting expectations.
And listen, that doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a bad person. Maybe he’s just at a point in life where he can’t offer more. The key is recognizing that if you’re looking for something serious, this mismatch will hurt you down the road.
He’s giving himself a hall pass
Let’s call it like it is: he may want to see other people too, and he’s trying to preemptively make that okay by giving you the same “freedom.”
The logic here? If you both can date around, then no one can complain when things get messy. It’s a way of taking the guilt off his shoulders while still doing what he wants.
I knew someone who got this exact line from a guy—and found out two weeks later he was already seeing someone else. He hadn’t just started; he’d been dating them while still talking to her. When she called him out, he said, “Well, I did tell you to see other people.” Wild.
He genuinely believes in non-monogamy
Okay, let’s give some credit where it’s due. Not everyone who brings up dating others is playing games. For some, non-monogamy is a legitimate relationship style, not a loophole for bad behavior.
If he’s upfront, respectful, and willing to have real conversations about boundaries, then this could be a healthy open relationship scenario. These kinds of relationships can work, but only if both people are actually into the idea—and if there’s full honesty involved.
This is the rare case where the “you should date others” line isn’t a red flag, but an invitation to explore a different kind of relationship dynamic. Still, the key here is that it should come with full clarity and mutual agreement, not vague hints.
He’s emotionally distancing himself
Sometimes, people say things like this because they’re trying to detach slowly. They don’t want to break up, or they’re not ready to completely let go, but they also don’t want to invest further.
Telling you to date others puts a bit of space between you two. It’s like he’s saying, “I’m not in this fully, but I don’t want to completely walk away.”
This kind of emotional limbo can be super painful. You feel like you’re stuck, always wondering where you stand. And honestly, if you’re feeling confused all the time, that’s a pretty big signal that something’s off.
He thinks he’s being “noble”
This one might surprise you. Some guys actually say this because they think it’s the right thing to do. Maybe he believes you deserve more than what he can offer right now. Maybe he’s overwhelmed, not emotionally available, or struggling with stuff he hasn’t even told you about.
It’s like, “I care about you, but I don’t want to hold you back.”
While that might sound sweet in theory, it still puts the emotional labor on you. Now you have to figure out what it means, what you want, and what to do next. And that’s not exactly fair.
Here’s the bottom line: When someone tells you to date others, it could mean they’re open to polyamory. But it could just as easily mean they’re pulling away, keeping you as a backup, or avoiding commitment altogether.
So don’t just take the statement at face value—look at the context, look at the actions, and most of all, look at how it makes you feel.
If it brings you clarity and alignment, great. But if it leaves you feeling confused, anxious, or second-guessing yourself, you’ve got your answer—even if he won’t say it out loud.
Signs He’s Actually Talking About an Open Relationship
Sometimes, a guy won’t come right out and say, “I want an open relationship.” Instead, he’ll drop hints, suggest things indirectly, or act in ways that leave you confused. If he tells you to date other people, you might wonder—is he just being casual, or is he genuinely interested in an open setup?
Here’s how to spot the difference. If he’s truly leaning toward non-monogamy and not just avoiding commitment, some clear signs usually show up. Pay attention to these.
He brings up non-monogamy in a positive light
If he talks about open relationships, polyamory, or people who are ethically non-monogamous in a curious or supportive way, that’s a major clue.
He might say something like:
- “I think monogamy is a social construct.”
- “I admire how some people can love more than one person at a time.”
- “Jealousy is just an emotion we can learn to manage, you know?”
When someone talks like this, they’re not just making conversation. They’re testing the waters to see if you’re on the same page or at least open-minded about it.
He’s clear that it’s not about just sex
There’s a difference between someone who wants to hook up and someone who genuinely believes in a relationship style that includes more than one partner.
A guy who’s interested in ethical non-monogamy will usually:
- Talk about emotional connection beyond just physical attraction.
- Mention boundaries and communication.
- Be curious about what works for you, not just what works for him.
If he only focuses on “freedom” or “not being tied down,” that might be more about avoiding commitment than creating a thoughtful open relationship.
He’s honest about who he’s seeing
This is a huge one. If he tells you to date others but won’t be transparent about who he’s seeing, that’s a red flag.
But if he says:
- “I’m seeing someone else and I want to be upfront with you.”
- “I’d like us both to be honest about who we’re connecting with.”
Then you’re dealing with someone who’s actually trying to build trust and clarity, even in a non-traditional setup.
In true open relationships, communication is everything. If he’s secretive, defensive, or evasive, it’s probably not about openness—it’s about avoiding accountability.
He asks for your input and feelings
A man genuinely interested in a healthy open relationship will want to know how you feel. He won’t just tell you how it’s going to be—he’ll invite a real conversation.
He might say:
- “How would you feel about trying something non-monogamous?”
- “I care about you, and I want us both to feel good about this.”
That kind of dialogue shows respect. If he’s not including you in the decision-making, it’s not a relationship—it’s a setup on his terms.
He’s willing to set boundaries (and stick to them)
Boundaries are a must in any relationship—but especially in open ones. If he’s bringing up rules like:
- No overlapping dates on the same day.
- Always using protection with other partners.
- Full honesty about who you’re seeing.
That’s a good sign. It shows he’s thinking about structure, safety, and emotional wellbeing, not just acting on impulse.
On the flip side, if his only rule is “don’t ask, don’t tell”—that’s not openness, that’s avoidance.
He’s done this before (and isn’t weird about it)
If he’s been in open relationships before and talks about them with maturity, that shows he’s not experimenting on you. He may say:
- “I’ve been in open relationships that worked—and some that didn’t. Here’s what I learned.”
- “I’ve found I can love more than one person without it taking away from anyone.”
Experience doesn’t make someone perfect, but it does show they’ve thought about it, made mistakes, and learned. That’s way better than someone who’s diving into polyamory just because it sounds exciting or trendy.
He’s not pressuring you
This might be the biggest green flag of all.
If you express discomfort or hesitation and he respects that without trying to twist your arm, that tells you a lot. He might say:
- “That’s totally fair. I want you to feel safe.”
- “Let’s keep talking and check in as we go.”
Someone who’s genuinely into open relationships won’t guilt you into it, and he definitely won’t punish you for saying no. Pressure = manipulation, not partnership.
How You Can Respond Without Losing Yourself
So you’re sitting there, reeling a bit from the “you should date other people” conversation. You’re not sure what it means, what he wants, or more importantly—what you want.
Here’s how to move forward in a way that’s honest, grounded, and kind to yourself.
Ask him what he actually means
Don’t guess. Don’t spiral. Just ask.
Say something like:
- “Can you help me understand what you meant when you said I should date others?”
- “Are you thinking about an open relationship, or are you just saying we’re not exclusive?”
You deserve clarity. And the only way to get it is by asking directly. If he avoids the question or gets defensive, that tells you everything you need to know.
Check in with your own values
Before trying to “make it work,” pause and ask yourself:
- Do I want to be in an exclusive relationship?
- How do I feel about my partner dating other people?
- Would I feel secure or anxious in this kind of setup?
It’s okay to want monogamy. It’s also okay to explore something different. What’s not okay is forcing yourself into a dynamic that makes you feel unsafe or undervalued just to keep someone around.
Talk about boundaries (if you’re even considering it)
If you’re open to exploring, talk about what’s non-negotiable. Like:
- Do you want to know who he’s seeing?
- Are there rules about sleepovers, dates, or time spent?
- How will you check in emotionally with each other?
Open relationships can get complicated fast if boundaries aren’t super clear. If he’s unwilling to have that conversation, that’s a big sign he’s not emotionally equipped to handle it maturely.
Pay attention to how it makes you feel
You don’t need a degree in relationship psychology to know when something feels off.
Ask yourself:
- Am I feeling secure, or constantly second-guessing myself?
- Do I trust him more or less since this came up?
- Am I excited about the possibilities, or scared and confused?
If you’re feeling anxious, disrespected, or like you’re just going along with something to “keep the peace,” those feelings matter. You’re allowed to say no—even if he frames this as some enlightened, evolved way of loving.
Don’t fall into the “cool girl” trap
There’s this pressure—especially for women—to seem super chill about things that actually hurt. You might tell yourself:
- “Maybe this is what modern dating looks like.”
- “I don’t want to seem clingy.”
- “I should be more open-minded.”
But you don’t have to be “cool” with something that doesn’t feel right to you. Being emotionally honest isn’t clingy—it’s self-respecting.
Give yourself time to think
You don’t have to decide immediately. It’s okay to say:
- “I need some time to figure out how I feel about this.”
- “Can we pause and revisit this in a few days?”
Taking space doesn’t mean you’re being dramatic. It means you’re being careful with your heart—which is exactly what you should be doing.
Final Thoughts
When a guy tells you to date others, it could mean a hundred different things. Maybe he’s exploring ethical non-monogamy. Maybe he’s backing out slowly. Or maybe he just doesn’t know what he wants.
Whatever his reasons are, the most important part of this entire situation is what you want, what you feel, and what you’re ready for.
You’re not being unreasonable for wanting commitment—or for wanting clarity. And you don’t have to shape-shift into someone you’re not just to keep someone interested.
Ask the hard questions. Trust your gut. And remember—you don’t need to settle for confusion when what you really want is connection.
