Are Narcissists Fooled by Other Narcissists?
Narcissists are typically hyper-attuned to status cues, social games, and manipulation—so in theory, they should be the first to sniff out another narcissist in the room. And yet, that’s not what consistently happens. In fact, some of the most explosive clashes or oddly symbiotic relationships I’ve seen—whether in organizations or personal life—are between narcissists who initially idealized one another.
What’s going on here?
Why would someone who thrives on dominance and image management fall for someone with the same playbook?
Do they not notice the red flags? Or do they reinterpret them through a different lens?
In this post, I’ll explore some of the key psychological mechanisms that might explain how narcissists perceive (or misperceive) each other. And fair warning—some of this gets into uncomfortable territory, especially when we look at just how deeply self-deception can run, even among the “most self-aware.”
How narcissists misunderstand other narcissists
Egocentric projection messes with their radar
One of the sneakiest biases narcissists fall into is assuming that everyone thinks and feels like they do. It’s not quite empathy—it’s more like self-as-template reasoning.
When a narcissist sees someone else showing off, talking big, or demanding admiration, they might interpret that as confidence or shared values, not a red flag. Why? Because that’s how they see their own behavior.
I once sat in on a leadership retreat where two execs—both pretty textbook grandiose narcissists—were immediately drawn to each other. They bonded over ambition, disruptor language, and a sense that others “just don’t get it.”
At first, it looked like the start of a powerhouse duo. But within weeks, their alliance turned into a passive-aggressive turf war. They couldn’t stand seeing their own tactics used against them, yet neither recognized the other as a mirror.
Narcissistic grandiosity distorts their judgment
Narcissists don’t just think they’re amazing—they often genuinely believe they have superior insight into others. This overconfidence extends to their social perception, especially when evaluating traits like competence, likability, or trustworthiness.
Here’s where it gets tricky: when they encounter another narcissist, they might feel a weird kind of admiration. That person seems bold, unapologetic, magnetic. But instead of recognizing it as narcissism, they may label it as “alpha energy” or “visionary charisma.” Basically, they confuse narcissism for excellence, because it looks like their own self-image.
I’ve seen this happen in founder circles a lot.
One entrepreneur with clear narcissistic traits might praise another as a “brilliant rebel” or “fearless innovator,” even when that person is burning bridges left and right.
Why?
Because recognizing the narcissism would mean admitting that similar behaviors in themselves might also be toxic—and that’s a tough pill to swallow.
They want to believe in power
Another reason narcissists fall for each other is that they’re deeply drawn to power—especially people who seem untouchable or high-status. When another narcissist walks in with that same social dominance swagger, it doesn’t always read as a threat at first. It can feel like a magnet.
There’s a bit of wishful thinking here. If I admire this person, and they’re basically a shinier version of me, then being close to them means I’m special too. This logic can lead narcissists to temporarily suppress their suspicions or ignore warning signs. It’s like forming an alliance with a king cobra—you both look cool coiled up together, but someone’s gonna get bitten.
Think about how certain celebrity friendships or business partnerships implode in dramatic fashion after a phase of extreme public admiration. That initial “we’re the same” energy often masks intense rivalry waiting to surface.
They overestimate their ability to control others
This one hits hard: narcissists often underestimate the threat of other manipulators because they believe they’re always the smartest person in the room. It’s a mix of arrogance and self-delusion. Even if they sense something shady about another person, they tell themselves, “I can handle it. They won’t outplay me.”
But of course, if the other person is equally narcissistic, they’re playing by the same rules—and they think they’re the smartest too. What results is often a slow unraveling, with each side trying to outmaneuver the other while refusing to believe they’re being played.
A former colleague once told me about a boardroom implosion between two high-powered execs who had spent months praising each other as “visionaries.” When the company tanked, both were blindsided—not just by the outcome, but by the realization that neither had actually been in control. Each thought the other was a pawn.
The exception: Narcissists with high Machiavellian traits
Now, some narcissists do spot the signs—but it’s not necessarily because they’re more insightful. It’s often because they also score high on Machiavellianism—the cold, strategic, emotionally detached cousin of narcissism. These folks are more likely to evaluate others with a utilitarian lens: “What’s your value? What’s your angle?”
When you blend narcissism with Machiavellianism, you get someone who’s not just obsessed with admiration, but also calculating about whom they can exploit or avoid. That distance can actually help them spot narcissistic traits in others faster. They may still choose to collaborate—but they’ll do it with eyes wide open and a backup plan in place.
So here’s the twist: narcissists aren’t totally blind to each other—but their biases, ego defenses, and status needs often get in the way of accurate perception. And even when they do sense something’s off, they’re usually too wrapped up in their own superiority to imagine they could be fooled. That’s what makes narcissist-to-narcissist dynamics so explosive—and so strangely predictable.
What the research tells us
Let’s dig into the data. Because it’s not just anecdotal—research backs up the idea that narcissists often misread each other, especially during early interactions. But what’s most interesting is how that perception evolves over time.
Narcissists make a great first impression… on each other
There’s a stack of studies showing that narcissists often get rated highly by strangers when they first meet—and this holds true when the other person is narcissistic, too. They come across as confident, articulate, stylish, even charming.
But here’s the twist: those same positive impressions often don’t last. In one classic study by Paulhus and colleagues (2001), narcissistic individuals were initially rated as highly likeable in group tasks. But after a few weeks, once their exploitative tendencies showed, those ratings dropped fast.
And narcissists aren’t immune to this. They also get dazzled by each other’s charisma at first. They’ll describe each other as “magnetic,” “natural leaders,” “so sharp.” It’s a mutual admiration society—at least until someone’s ego takes a hit.
Admiration turns sour when status is threatened
This is where it gets juicy. Narcissists thrive on status, admiration, and being the top dog. So what happens when they meet someone who also demands that same attention?
Spoiler: things get competitive fast.
Researchers like Back, Schmukle, and Egloff (2010) found that narcissists are hypersensitive to status threats, especially from other high-dominance individuals. If one narcissist starts stealing the spotlight—say, getting more praise, airtime, or recognition—the other starts to devalue them.
It’s not always dramatic at first. Sometimes it’s subtle: passive-aggressive comments, withholding support, quietly undermining. But the relationship begins to fracture the moment admiration is no longer mutual—or evenly distributed.
They’re bad at detecting “dark” traits in others
One of the more surprising findings in narcissism research is just how bad narcissists are at spotting toxic traits in others.
You’d think someone high in narcissism would be more attuned to manipulation, since they use it themselves. But studies suggest the opposite. In fact, narcissists often rate other narcissists (or even psychopaths) as more likeable than non-narcissists do.
Why? Partly because they see those traits as familiar, even aspirational. They might see coldness as “focus,” arrogance as “leadership,” deceit as “savviness.” That familiarity bias makes them especially prone to idealizing fellow narcissists in the short term.
I once interviewed a CEO who said, “I knew he was dangerous, but I respected the hustle.” That sums it up: narcissists may recognize manipulation—but instead of backing off, they admire it, at least until it hurts them directly.
Relationships between narcissists follow a predictable arc
If you’ve ever watched two narcissists become best friends, start a podcast together, or launch a startup—you’ve probably also seen the implosion. That arc is something researchers have mapped, especially in interpersonal dynamics.
Here’s how it typically goes:
- Phase 1: Idealization – Each narcissist sees the other as a kindred spirit. There’s high energy, shared ambition, and lots of mutual praise.
- Phase 2: Competition – Cracks begin to show when one starts outperforming the other or grabs more attention.
- Phase 3: Devaluation – Both begin to criticize or distance themselves, framing the other as disloyal, overrated, or manipulative.
- Phase 4: Fallout or Re-alignment – The relationship either ends in dramatic fashion, or they recalibrate—often with one taking a more submissive role.
It’s like watching two mirrors reflect each other until the glare becomes blinding.
The “dark dyad” is real—and measurable
When two narcissists pair up, especially in a leadership context, researchers sometimes refer to it as a “dark dyad”. It’s a term that describes how two high-dark-triad individuals can form a volatile but powerful alliance.
These partnerships can temporarily boost performance—charisma + risk-taking + vision—but they’re also prone to ethical lapses, poor team dynamics, and trust erosion.
In fact, in organizations where multiple leaders show high narcissism scores, you’ll often see a pattern of rapid turnover, blame-shifting, and branding over substance. Sound familiar?
It’s not that narcissists never work well together—it’s just that the alliance is almost always conditional on shared goals and mutual ego-protection. Once that breaks, it all burns down.
Real-world examples of narcissists clashing or colluding
Let’s step away from the data for a minute and look at how this plays out in real life—because narcissists interacting with each other isn’t just a research topic. It’s everywhere once you know what to look for.
Celebrity implosions are textbook case studies
Think about high-profile celebrity friendships or relationships that start with mutual worship and end in public disaster. A few come to mind immediately: Kanye West and Jay-Z, Elon Musk and almost anyone he aligns with for too long, even business BFFs like Elizabeth Holmes and Sunny Balwani.
These partnerships often start with bold vision, intense loyalty, and a shared contempt for critics. But the moment one person starts to eclipse the other, or the facade cracks, things turn hostile.
Why? Because narcissists don’t share the spotlight well. They either dominate or retreat—but they rarely sustain true equals. Once that balance tips, you’re in for betrayal, public shaming, or complete estrangement.
In romantic dynamics, it’s all fireworks and wreckage
Romantic pairings between narcissists can be just as combustible. There’s immediate attraction—two people who “just get each other,” both charming, driven, and exciting.
But here’s what often happens:
- They compete for control in subtle ways—who plans, who gets attention, whose success matters more.
- Small slights turn into battles, because neither can tolerate criticism.
- They may play mind games, test loyalty, or escalate conflicts to win emotionally.
I’ve had clients describe these relationships as “intoxicating but exhausting.” And it tracks with what we know: the same traits that draw them together also destroy the bond.
In companies, it’s a branding dream—or nightmare
Startups, agencies, and media companies are particularly susceptible to narcissist pairings at the top. On paper, it looks like a match made in heaven: visionary founders, bold ideas, charismatic leadership.
But scratch the surface and you’ll often find:
- Constant pivoting, because each wants to steer the ship.
- Staff whiplash from conflicting leadership styles.
- Turf wars disguised as strategy disagreements.
A founder I once coached told me, “We were both visionaries, until our visions didn’t match—and suddenly I was the villain.” That’s the danger: once loyalty breaks, everything becomes personal.
When it does work, here’s why
To be fair, some narcissist-narcissist pairings do last—especially when:
- One has slightly lower narcissistic traits and takes a more deferential role.
- They’re bonded by external enemies or shared values (like status or fame).
- There are strong external constraints (e.g. contracts, reputation, mutual business dependency).
These cases often look more like alliances than relationships. There’s a transactional quality—“We need each other, so let’s keep this civil.” But even then, it’s fragile. One perceived betrayal and the gloves come off.
The loyalty test never ends
What really defines these relationships is the constant need to be mirrored, admired, and not challenged. The moment one narcissist feels dismissed, doubted, or one-upped, they switch modes. That’s why these relationships are so unstable—they depend on a balance of power that’s nearly impossible to maintain.
Final Thoughts
So are narcissists fooled by other narcissists? Yeah—often, and repeatedly. Not because they’re naive, but because their own worldview distorts how they interpret others. They’re drawn to confidence, blind to manipulation that mirrors their own, and overconfident in their ability to stay in control.
But here’s what’s wild: even when the fallout is predictable, it still surprises them. Every time.
Understanding this dynamic isn’t just a curiosity—it’s useful. Whether you’re studying personality, managing teams, or just navigating high-conflict relationships, spotting the signs of narcissist-narcissist interactions gives you a serious edge.
Because once you know what you’re looking at, you stop being the one who’s fooled.
