Managing Team Dynamics With a Narcissistic Colleague
We’ve all worked with someone whose self-importance takes up way more space than their actual contribution. But when that person’s personality leans heavily into narcissism, it’s not just annoying—it reshapes how the entire team functions. This isn’t just a soft-skills issue. It’s a systems issue.
I’m not talking about full-blown Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)—though that’s a relevant clinical lens for some cases. What’s more common (and arguably more insidious) is what I’d call functional narcissism: colleagues who are outwardly competent, often charismatic, but who consistently derail collaboration by centering themselves in ways that distort reality.
This piece isn’t about diagnosing anyone. It’s about the team-level consequences of narcissistic traits and how to manage them when you can’t just fire the person or avoid them. Because let’s be honest—removal isn’t always on the table. So what do we do when narcissism sits at the meeting table every week?
How to Spot Narcissistic Behavior on a Team
It’s Not Just About Ego
People often think of narcissists as loud, braggy, and attention-hungry—and yeah, that can be true. But in team settings, narcissistic traits often show up in much more strategic, adaptive, and masked ways. What we’re dealing with is not just personality but a pattern of relational dynamics that center the narcissist at the cost of group coherence.
Let me give you an example. A senior strategist I once worked with—we’ll call him “R”—was brilliant. Sharp thinker, great with clients, fantastic at public presentations. But in team meetings, things would quietly fall apart. If someone else came up with an idea, he’d either hijack it or reframe it in his own words five minutes later as if it were his. He never explicitly cut people down—but somehow, by the end of the meeting, the original contributor had been subtly sidelined. It was maddening, and it took me months to figure out what was actually happening.
What looked like leadership was actually dominance through narrative control.
Patterns That Should Raise Flags
Let’s break down some of the most common narcissistic behaviors you’ll see in action on a team—not just theoretically.
Grandiosity Disguised as Vision
It’s easy to mistake narcissistic grandiosity for visionary thinking. Narcissists often position themselves as “the only one who really gets it.” They’ll talk about their “big-picture insights” or how they “see things others don’t.” Sometimes it sounds inspirational. But the problem is, they tend to devalue others’ contributions to elevate their own. Over time, this erodes collaborative innovation because everyone else stops bothering.
Entitlement Over Process
These folks will consistently push boundaries, ignore protocols, or demand exceptions—not because the rules are flawed, but because they don’t believe those rules apply to them. They’ll show up late to meetings, skip documentation, or make last-minute changes that affect the whole team, then expect others to absorb the fallout without complaint.
Monopolizing Attention
Whether it’s meetings, Slack threads, or offsite strategy sessions, narcissistic colleagues find a way to center themselves in every conversation. But it’s not always through talking more. Sometimes they’ll pull focus by playing the misunderstood genius or the martyr doing more than their share. Either way, the dynamic becomes skewed toward their emotional or intellectual validation.
The Feedback Loop Is Broken
Perhaps the most telling sign: narcissists distort feedback. They’ll reframe criticism as jealousy or incompetence in others. Even when you use evidence, neutral tone, and constructive framing, they perceive it as an attack. Then they retaliate—often not overtly, but through passive resistance, blame-shifting, or triangulating other teammates.
I once had a client whose product lead responded to a mild critique with a weeklong campaign of silence and sarcastic jabs in meetings. Eventually, team members stopped offering suggestions altogether. The narcissist “won,” but the team lost.
Narcissists Break the Psychological Contract
Let’s zoom out for a second. In any team, there’s an unspoken psychological contract: We all agree to show up, contribute, share credit, and own mistakes. Narcissistic behavior systematically violates that contract—often without ever appearing to do so explicitly.
That’s what makes this so tricky. The narcissist doesn’t break the rules in ways that are easy to call out. Instead, they operate in gray zones: interrupting just often enough to dominate, taking credit just subtly enough to get away with it, dodging responsibility in a way that sounds plausible. And because they’re often high-performers on paper, they’re the last ones to get flagged for toxic behavior.
What Makes It Worse? High-Ambiguity Environments
This is a big one. Narcissistic traits flourish in environments with vague roles, weak leadership, or unclear metrics of success. Startups, cross-functional teams, or newly reorganized departments are especially vulnerable. When no one is exactly sure who owns what, narcissists move in and start defining the narrative in their favor.
I’ve seen this happen during org restructures. Suddenly, there’s a power vacuum, and boom—the narcissistic colleague starts holding “private strategy chats,” rewriting goals mid-project, and selectively sharing information with execs. By the time leadership realizes what’s going on, the team dynamic is already off the rails.
So What Do We Do With This?
If you’re reading this, you’re probably already trained in personality theory, team psychology, or organizational behavior. But even then, managing narcissism in real time is messy. The goal here isn’t to label or fix the person—it’s to protect the team ecosystem from the distortions they create.
In the next part, I’ll dig into actionable strategies—some interpersonal, some structural—for keeping the narcissist from tipping the system out of balance. Because you can work with them, but only if you stop playing their game and start designing around it.
What Actually Works: Strategies for Managing the Dynamic
Let’s get real: if you’re working with a narcissistic teammate, you’re not just managing a person—you’re managing the relational ecosystem around them. Every time they grab the spotlight, shift blame, or undermine a peer, it sends ripples through the group. So the real work isn’t “fixing” them (spoiler: you can’t). It’s designing smart buffers, structures, and feedback loops that limit the disruption and protect the team’s integrity.
This section isn’t about generic advice like “set boundaries.” You already know that. What I want to talk about is how to engineer your team’s interactions and roles so that narcissistic behaviors don’t hijack the system.
Interpersonal Strategies: Keep It Neutral, Keep It Firm
Use Flat Affect When Pushing Back
If you try to match a narcissist’s energy—either by arguing passionately or trying to “call them out”—you’ll usually end up escalating things. That’s because narcissists feed on emotional activation. It gives them control of the emotional tone, even if it’s conflictual.
Instead, go flat. Think calm, steady, slightly boring. When they make a self-aggrandizing claim or dismiss a teammate, respond with something like:
“That’s one way to look at it. Let’s also hear how Jenna approached this.”
Short. Neutral. No hook for drama.
Don’t Argue About Intent
One of the biggest traps is arguing with a narcissistic colleague about what they meant. You’ll say, “That comment was dismissive,” and they’ll say, “You’re being too sensitive,” or “That’s not what I said.”
The better move? Stick to observable behavior and its impact.
“In the meeting, you interrupted Sarah three times before she finished. That made it hard for her to share her full update.”
You’re not labeling them, you’re narrating the tape.
Strategic Ego Soothing (Yes, Really)
I know—it feels counterintuitive. But sometimes, a little ego-soothing buys peace and keeps the team functioning. You’re not feeding the narcissism, you’re using tactical praise to stabilize the interaction.
If you need them to step back or collaborate more, lead with a compliment:
“You’re great at anticipating client concerns. I’d love your help integrating that into the broader plan.”
This doesn’t mean coddling—it’s steering.
Role-Based and Structural Strategies
Make Responsibilities Unambiguous
Narcissists thrive in ambiguity. They love stepping into “gray area” tasks because it lets them claim more credit and dodge more blame. Your best defense? Hyper-clarity in roles, deliverables, and decision rights.
Use tools like RACI charts. Assign ownership visibly. And don’t rely on verbal agreements—write things down.
I once worked with a project manager who started documenting every team decision in a shared doc. The narcissistic lead hated it—because it limited his ability to rewrite history. But the team loved it, because the fog lifted.
Distribute Power Sources
If all authority or recognition flows through one channel—say, the manager or the lead strategist—a narcissist will aim to monopolize it. So, decentralize influence.
Use peer recognition systems, rotating leadership in meetings, and anonymous input in reviews. It dilutes the narcissist’s ability to control perception, and amplifies other voices in the team.
Keep Feedback Loops Written and Timed
Narcissistic colleagues often twist verbal feedback into something that favors them. So move as much feedback as possible into writing—meeting summaries, performance notes, and progress reports.
Also, don’t wait for annual reviews. Use regular, structured check-ins that are short, factual, and focused on outcomes. This creates accountability without giving them time to warp the narrative.
Organizational Levers: Think Systems, Not Just People
Make Recognition Data-Driven
Stop rewarding charisma. I’m serious.
If your company praises “thought leadership” or “visibility” over measurable impact, narcissists will run the show. So shift the culture toward evidence-based recognition.
If someone’s being celebrated for “game-changing ideas,” ask to see what changed. If the most vocal person always gets the praise, create channels where quiet contributors can shine.
Use Peer Feedback as a Mirror
A narcissist won’t listen to one person’s critique—but a pattern of peer feedback is harder to deny. If you’re in a position to influence how reviews happen, build in peer reviews (ideally anonymized and behavior-focused). This diffuses power and gives everyone else a voice.
A client of mine introduced a 360-feedback round during mid-year check-ins. The narcissist on the team dismissed one or two negative comments—but couldn’t ignore ten colleagues pointing to the same issue. The mirror worked.
How This Affects the Whole Team (and What to Watch For)
Let’s talk about fallout. Not from the narcissist—but from the team around them. Because narcissistic behavior isn’t just annoying or disruptive. Over time, it subtly reprograms how the group functions.
Emotional Fatigue Is Real
Teams dealing with a narcissistic member often experience emotional drain. It’s not just stress—it’s vigilance. People spend energy monitoring how the narcissist might react, rehearsing how to say things without setting them off, or cleaning up after yet another ego-driven derailment.
That vigilance leads to burnout, even when the workload isn’t excessive. I’ve seen teams where people aren’t overworked—but they’re exhausted from walking on eggshells.
Loss of Psychological Safety
The longer a narcissist operates unchecked, the more the team learns: “It’s not safe to speak up.” You’ll start seeing people:
- Checking out in meetings
- Withholding feedback
- Avoiding collaboration altogether
And here’s the kicker: they won’t always attribute this to the narcissist. They’ll just say, “This place is weird,” or “I don’t feel motivated anymore.” The damage is stealthy but deep.
Learned Helplessness (Yes, Seriously)
This one hits hard. After repeated encounters where logic fails, accountability doesn’t stick, and bad behavior gets rewarded, teams stop trying. They normalize dysfunction.
I had a client whose high-functioning dev team simply accepted that one member would derail every sprint review. They worked around him. Stopped inviting him to prep meetings. Built time in for “emotional repair.” It wasn’t just inefficient—it was toxic resilience.
Team Culture Quietly Warps
Culture isn’t what’s written in the handbook—it’s what gets tolerated. And when narcissistic behavior isn’t confronted, the team starts to adapt in unhealthy ways. Sarcasm increases. Trust fractures. Passive-aggression replaces direct communication.
Even worse, new hires get trained into the dysfunction. They learn to avoid conflict, over-defer to the narcissist, or mimic their behavior to stay safe. Culture erosion happens quietly—but fast.
What Leaders and Influencers Can Do
If you’re a team lead, manager, or internal coach, your job isn’t just dealing with the narcissist—it’s protecting the social contract of the team. That means:
- Creating space for candor (especially from those less dominant)
- Naming patterns early, not just individual behaviors
- Rewarding courage when people speak truth to power
You’re not just managing a dynamic. You’re safeguarding a team’s mental and functional health.
The Long Game: Restoring Normalcy
Once the narcissist’s influence is reduced (or they leave), the team doesn’t instantly bounce back. There’s healing to be done. Expect:
- Residual tension
- Quiet resentment
- Unspoken fears about “when it might happen again”
What helps? Rituals of reset. Team debriefs. Clear recommitments to values. Transparent rebuilding of trust. The narcissist may be gone—but their impact can linger unless it’s explicitly addressed.
Before You Leave…
If there’s one takeaway here, it’s this: narcissism in the workplace is a systemic issue, not just a personality quirk. Managing it well requires a blend of sharp observational skills, emotional steadiness, and structural thinking.
You’re not just trying to survive a difficult personality—you’re curating a culture that won’t let self-interest eclipse collaboration. And the best part? Once you do this work, your team doesn’t just get better at managing narcissists—they get better at managing any complexity that comes their way.
So don’t aim for harmony. Aim for resilient, intelligent tension—the kind where everyone’s voice matters, even in the presence of ego.
See you in the next meeting. Let’s keep it honest.
